It’s not what it sounds like.
When I dreamt of you, I made a wish.
I wished for you of course - a child I could love endlessly and for a little human who could love me back just as strongly. In discerning motherhood, I desired to uncover a next-level, unconditional love and hoped I could find it through you.
When I think back to the younger me wondering if I was truly ready to be your mom, I remember pondering something along the lines of “Well, does anyone ever truly feel all-in and completely ready?”
I knew deep down that the calling of Motherhood tugging at my heart was not necessarily of this world. Almost as if there was a churning inside of me internally, pushing me to accept the challenge and discover something more.
In a way, waiting to meet you felt like another key to my heart was soon to be unlocked. And that an eternal best friend was waiting on the other side. I just needed to say yes, be brave, and open that door.
Expecting your future arrival in my arms was such a surreal experience.
I remember imagining what you were going to look like. What color would your hair be? Would your eyes match mine? What would your interests be when you grew older? Would you be shy and reserved, or my free-spirited little wild child?
And then you, my sweet child, were born.
Which is the most fascinating, best part.
You are, without a doubt – life’s Greatest Surprise.
Discovering who you are, and you will grow up to be, will always be, in my eyes, the best surprise party I’ll ever attend.
It’s the little things about you that I wasn’t expecting.
Your hair for one! Your sense of humor and the way you are wired to want to make everyone around you laugh. Your shy, bashful nature in certain situations. Your love of puzzles and attention to detail. Your mad skills with Legos. Your beautiful singing voice. The fact that you actually have rhythm. Your innate sense of direction which just defies my genetics all together. Your natural ability to maneuver toy vehicles in reverse and drive like a pro.
On a deeper level, your emotional intelligence and the way you are able to name your feelings is an unexpected gift. Your ability to say sorry so easily, and the way you can forgive quickly and actually let things go remains a mystery how you are mine.
The fact that your love language is different than mine is another shocker that I am still learning how to best navigate through as your mother in the way that I give and show you love.
I hope you know how thankful I am that you are exactly who you are instead of the child I assumed I would have one day.
No, you aren’t the child I imagined raising, and thank God you aren’t.
Because you are so much more than I could have ever hoped for in a wish turned true. And I feel so lucky to be your mommy.
Bob Marley once said, “Your children are your greatest riches.” And I have to say – I agree. When I wished for you, I hoped for my greatest, most grand adventure to date.
And you, my child, most definitely understood the assignment!
Yes, the adventure of being your mommy has included its fair share of speed bumps, boo-boos and tears along the way [yours and mine].
There’s also been plenty of vulnerable moments of humility since you arrived that have knocked me to my knees, but it has been your happy giggles, joyful smile and pure childhood innocence that’s always encouraged me to get back up again and just keep trucking.
So, now that I am thinking about it –
Next time I see a shooting star, I will probably think of you. I’ll close my eyes to make a wish …
But instead of wishing for something specific, this time I think I’ll consider just saying –
You know what?
Surprise Me ...
